An End To All Of My Pain

Why does friendship get more complicated as you get older? Why does it become harder too accept peoples choices and the way they feel as we age?. Life was so much simpler when I was a kid. You made friends, you mucked about, you had a laugh it was so simple. As Ive got older its got more and more complicated. People have hidden agendas now.

Ive had enough to be honest of being people's punch bags. I don't agree with what you have done or are doing so I walk away. That's my prerogative surely? If you cant accept that then that's your problem why does it have too turn nasty and threats made? By doing this you weren't a true friend in the first place were you?

I am lucky I have three real true friends that I have known for years.Two of them are brothers-in-law and the other is the voice of reason. Whenever I have a difficult decision to make he is there to advise and listen. He doesn't ask for anything in return ever. That is what a true friend does. They don't judge, they know all your faults and accept you for what you are. End of.

We make friends through all walks of life. Some we keep, some we don't. Some we drift apart from others we chose too walk away from. Its the latter of these that cause the most aggro though. I have tried to stay friends with people in difficult circumstances recently and all I have got for my trouble is nothing but aggro. They seem to think that everything I write either on here or on my Facebook page is a direct assault on them. Believe me it isn't if I wanted to have a go at you I would phone you. You go through everything I say and write and twist it too attack me with why?. I don't get it. Are they that paranoid that they think I spend all day thinking about things to write about them? I wish I did then I could understand it.

The thing is though they are not that important to me anymore. I can be a very cold person when I make up my mind about someone. I consider everything before I make that final decision to cut all contact with them. I don't rush it I take my time. When I make that decision though that's it. Its over. I don't even give you a second thought. My life is too short for the games you wish to play with me. Move on, I have its that simple.

This has been a tough time for me with very little support from the people closet to me. Ive had to deal with this mostly on my own. A new experience for me and to be fair one I didn't like at first, but I made it through to the other side in the end. Ive taken a lot of unwarranted flack, been accused by people closet to me of certain things and have had their suspicions foisted onto me. Not a nice experience if I'm honest. I know now though that as long as I KNOW THE TRUTH whatever people closet to me think or feel about me it doesn't matter, its me that has to live in this skin, to walk in my shoes not them. It was easier for them to blame me rather than look to resolve the situation, to use me as the scapegoat, to make me feel an outsider in my own personal life. They have to live with their conscience not me and that's fine. I also had to bite my tongue on more than one occasion when all I wanted to do was scream from the highest building I could find. To tell them how bad their actions made me feel, even when I didn't start it. The looks of blame the way I was treated. It hurt I ain't going too lie, but it made me realise one thing, the point where you are proved right, the point where the truth shines through from the lies is the sweetest of all.

Having worked through this with two people though, one my best mate the other an old school friend who has been another voice of reason through emails and messages, I thank them both for their advice and words of support and you both know who you are, Ive found an inner strength and peace that I didn't know was there. Its been a huge learning curve and I'm a better person for going through it.

I  was careful about what I wrote and also about what I said but do you know what, I came to a decision today and the decision was this. Why should I?. Its my blog, its my Facebook page Ill say what I bloody well want. If you don't like it then don't read it. It isn't that hard is it?. I'm not that good at being cryptic anyway that isn't my style. If you know me its more of a bull in a china shop approach. I will continue to write what I like, I will continue to say what I like. The thing is though, the thing that is going to wind them up even more than anything, the thing that they will not be able to handle is that I wont be writing about THEM. Ive moved on with my life and once again this blog is the nail in that coffin for me. So please feel free to read my blogs and postings and see what you think is written about you, because I can assure you unless I put your name at the top of it, it wont be.