My Son

Whenever I hear a new IPhone is being released I have mixed emotions. These emotions are of intrigue to see what they are going to do next, but mostly as the years have passed, guilt. Guilt because of a decison I made in October 2007.

I worked for a well known telecoms company, my career had really started to take off and I was going places. For the first time in my life I had a goal that I wanted to achieve, a goal that people were telling me I would achieve. Everything at work was going great and then I made THAT decison.

We were sat in the consultants room at the end of October, my wife heavily pregnant with out fourth child, as we sat looking at a calander and the date when they would perform the Caesarian for the arrival of our son. The doctor lent forward and said " Okay how does the 9th November sound?".

I sat there and said nothing, my blood had just run cold, the moment that my son would be born, my own flesh and blood and all I could think of was "No bloody way, the IPhone is released that day". I didn't say a word I sat there stock still. What could I say? "yeah em unfortunatley doc that date isn't good for me, you see I need to be at work that day". I couldn't do it, my wife would kill me.

Except she didn't she looked at me and said "well he won't be there that day" the doctor, shocked by this didn't know what to say. "The IPhone is out that day so he can't make it" I smiled sheepishly, what else could I do, if at that moment in time the earth could have swallowed me up then I would have gladly dived in.

"Okay then" the doctor a little shocked by this said " Okay we'll how about the week after?, the 16th?"

I nodded yes meekly.

"That is unless Nokia have a new phone out I suppose?" He smiled as he said it but it didn't help stop my guilt.

When work found out the reaction was a mixture of suprise and acknowledgement at the commitment I'd shown. I was mentioned on company wife conference calls, people emailed me joking at what I'd done, to be honest I was embarrassed. I promised myself that from that day forth I would never do that again.

Five years later I don't work for that company anymore, I'm still married to my wonderful wife and our son Reece started school today. He looked so grown up going to school  and yet I still had tears in my eyes when I said goodbye to him, the way I did with all the kids when they started school. He was too interested in what was going on around him to notice his Dad, I caught the eye of another father there and I could see the same thoughts and tears in his eyes. We nodded to each other and quickly looked away. My pang of guilt at how I had delayed brining this beautiful little boy into the world for a phone rose in my throat and I had to leave the room.

Now as Im about to move to a smaller store, I realise I finally have my priorities right. My wife and kids come first. Im working to live not living to work. I'll still carry the guilt that never goes, but I know one day he will know the story and perhaps he will laugh at what I did. Most of all though I'll  make sure he doesnt make the decision I did. No job is more important than family or friends, the people you love and who love you..

 I hope you enjoyed your first day son, love you forever Dad x