Wednesday, 16 March 2011
This Isn't Me
This isn't the real me you see laying here. This is just my shell, a place that I have called home for many years now. Its old and tired and doesn't work like it once did. Its no ones fault it happens to us all. Some are allowed to keep theirs longer than others and in that case I guess Ive been luckier than most.
This body laying here in pain, breaking down, ravaged by the disease that engulfed me before I was ready to let it go. No this isn't me. The hair has gone, the face lined by years and pain. My eyes darker than the grey you once loved so much. My lips thin and cracked, the skin around my once proud jaw line is now wrinkled and loose. The arms which once were strong are now thin and wispy. The hands that used to hold you now smaller, the knuckles protruding through the skin.
The chest that once puffed proudly, where you once laid your head to sleep, is now hollow as the skin lays freer now the muscles all but gone. My ribs showing through my lightening skin like a poor mans xylophone. The legs once thick and long no longer able too hold my weight. No this isn't me that you see lying here.
I am the memories that you hold dear in your heart. Remember the sound of my voice as it floats on the calm breeze of a summers day, whistling through the trees of the garden we used too share. Remember my smile that shone brightly through the darkest day and made you smile even when you didn't want to. This is me.
I see you standing around me, my family I love dear. I see the tears in your eyes as the doctor says it wont be long now. I want to reach out and hold you all tightly but I cant as my body wont let me, that hurts me more than you will ever know. I want to feel the warmth of your skin one final time, to feel your touch and tell you how much I loved you all, but I cant. Don't mourn for me my family. Remember me and smile. Bury this body, this shell that held my soul, and move on with your lives.
I will always be around you, when you need me the most. In your darkest hours think of me and I will comfort you. In your happiest moments I will be there to share in your laughter, the sound of your voices echoing around the place I called home. Wipe the tears from your eyes it is almost time. My body may be dying but my spirit will live on.