When's a cake not a cake?

I was sent this by a friend of mine who didn't like his cake. You can follow Ian on twitter @JerkDeLeCoach he may even tell you why he's called that as well. Anyway over to Ian who didn't like his cake for some strange reason......

Ma’am, the people haven’t got any bread…….So let them eat cake.

Cake for everyone!  Not a bad policy really, wouldn’t you say?  That’s
how I felt until this morning when I had quite possibly the worst cake
on the planet.  It wasn’t actually a cake at all (don’t think
Jaffa…..Jaffa is more cake than my cake), in fact it was just a load
of cous cous squidged together and flavoured with lemon.

Honestly, to whom does this pass as cake?  A cake is filled with
cream, maybe there is some chocolate involved somewhere, some people
even like almonds - but cous cous?

Welcome to planet good-for-you where sadness can be experienced by
everyone.  If I eat a cake I want to be plucking pastry from my beard,
or bite in and have a load of cream disappear up my left nostril – I
don’t want to be picking tapioca out of my socks and speaking Arabic.

Apparently this ‘cake’ involved almost no calories…one has to wonder
if it has eloped in some bizarre marriage with taste, because that
didn’t feature either.  Actually, I tell a lie, it did have taste - it
tasted of lemon.  The major disheartening part of which was the fact
that if I wanted to taste lemon, I’d probably have found it easier to
just eat a lemon.  Now, I never eat lemon, which tells you what?
That’s right, that I don’t like lemon.  So here we have a cake, which
tasted of something im not particularly fond of, had the texture of
sand, and was to all intent and purpose more pointless than any other
cake in the history of cake (including a biscuit which is still more
worthy to be called a cake than this ‘cake’).

I can see me going off of cake, I really can…