Valentines Day

As a child I hated Valentines Day. I was never the most popular off kids but that didn't stop me hoping that today I would find a collection of cards waiting for me. I would make my way to school and see the latest romances holding hands and kissing until one of them needed air desperately. Apparently the trick was to breathe through your nose!! I wish someone had told me that one, I tried for years to breathe through my ears.

I would sit patiently at my desk, too nervous to lift the lid hoping that the cards would be hidden inside. The wooden desk would seem larger than ever at this time of year but always smaller and lacking the size needed to hide within when the lack of cards became apparent. I would hide my disappointment and watch as the most popular Girl and Boy of the time would get double figures and wonder if one day I would be that lucky.

It mattered so much back then, to the teenage me, that I wonder how I ever got through it. I had my heart broken more than once, I always chased after the ones who were just a little out of my league. I got lucky a few times and did punch above my weight every now and then. It felt good to hear the comments of "You lucky git" and feel a sense of pride and accomplishment. It never lasted long though soon enough I was back chasing dreams I couldn't carry.

Ultimately though I was the one who would be standing outside with their face pressed against the glass looking in. That was until I met you. I knew straight away you were the one, you have always been the one. There will never be another. Four kids and thirty years bind us, we are not always perfect but we work and we make it work, we've done that ever since we met when we were 17.

I loved you from the moment I saw you and I always have. We have been through so much together and yet we have never waived or broken. These past few years have been our toughest, yet somehow we are still here, together, and that's more credit to you than me.

I've made mistakes and done some stupid things, let's be honest the only reason we still have friends is because of you, not me. You were there for me through the loss of my dad, and you were there for me when I had my meltdown and finally sought the help I needed.

We are like chalk and cheese with some of our interests but that is also what binds us as we have so much to talk about. Ive written about you many times on here but it didn't seem enough somehow, as if I could have done more. Ive caused you worry and stress and yet you are still here. Still giving me grief for putting Jean's in the tumble drier or not washing up properly.

So many relationships have gone to the wall, but not us, not yet. I hope never. 24 years ago I proposed to you on Valentines Day. I had it all planned, nice dinner, and then I'd get down on one knee. I didnt though, the moment I saw you that evening I was down on my knee and you said yes. I wouldn't change it for a thing.

I will buy you your rose for Valentines Day like I always do, that will never change. Youll kill it in a few days because you forget to water it, that will also never change.

Im not the greatest writer or the best story teller, but I find it easier to write words than say them. Say thank you for the last 30 years and if I'm lucky enough to get another 30 I hope they are with you.

I love you doris

Tony x