Monday, 26 July 2010


At this moment in time I am an utter ball of frustration. I have tried to fight it but I cant. Its annoying the hell out of me. There are so many things annoying me and getting to me I don't even know where to start. Ah what the hell here it goes.

My House
My house annoys me. Ive never liked it if I'm honest. I hate the layout its too small, well now it is with 4 kids in a 2 bedroom house. I need to sell it but I cant why? Because it needs decorating and I'm struggling to get it done. I have no time to do it. I am exhausted all the time at the moment. I have no energy and what I do have I spend it on the kids or worrying about what I need to do to the house. I cant win.

My Book
My book I love, I would do I wrote it, but I'm stuck with it. I cant move it on and I'm sure it isn't good enough either. The plot makes sense to me, it would I know how its going to end, but I read other published books and I know I'm not good enough so that's knocking my confidence. Oh by the way I'm not after praise I am wallowing in my self pity for once.

My Job
My job I hate. I don't want to be there it annoys the hell out of me. The travel, the idiots I have to deal with on a daily basis, the people who talk to me like I'm dirt then expect me to help them. The people at work are genuine nice people, well apart from a few who annoy the hell out of me with their poor attitude and the fact they treat everyone they work with, with a complete lack of respect.

My Writing Course
My writing course annoys me because I cant get to spend the time on it at the moment I want to. I cant get the course work done and that's doing my head in. Its not going to get any better over the next 6 weeks either. My wife bless her is trying to give me time to do it but its very difficult at the moment.

My Inner Frustration
My inner frustration comes from a number of other things as well. Things I cant change. For example people moaning about this country. Why? We all know its going to hell in a handcart so stop looking for the bad all the time and look for the good. Its there you've just got to be bothered to look for it.  People screwing up massively in their jobs and getting huge pay offs, yes Mr BP I'm talking about you. Premiership footballers and their lack of humility and respect for the people that pay their wages. I could go on but I don't want to bore you.

My Missed Opportunities
My missed opportunities annoy me because I haven't been brave enough to change them. My own fault I should have been braver and more honest with myself and took those chances. There are things I wished Id done but never did. Its too late now they've long gone.

All I want to do is write. Its that simple. Its my passion and what I have always wanted to do. If I could turn back the clock Id have had a real go at it when I was younger but I cant so here I am. I don't want to be famous. No thanks. All I want is to be able to get paid for what I love doing. Go somewhere to work part-time and do what I love which is to write. Ill write about anything I don't care. Just let me have a go please, someone anyone.

So for now Ill carry my ball of frustration with me and change things one at time, and enjoy them when I complete them.............eventually.

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