Wednesday, 25 August 2010

A Huge Thank You 50 Not Out

If you would have told me that back in May I would have written 50 blogs by the end of August, I havent published them all yet the count stands at 43 but I have 10 waiting to be published, I would have thought you were mad. If you would have told me I would be doing a writing course, writing for Skysports, writing for Dagenham and Redbridge Supporters Website and also been asked asked to be a columnist for the new Daggers Fanzine that will appear in the near future, and finally that I would be 3/4 of the way through my first novels first draft I would have slapped you in the face and asked what you had been smoking.

Ill I can say is WOW!. Its been an amazing journey so far and I have a very long way to go, I know that, but I just wanted to say thanks. Ive shared some very personal stories with you all. Ive cornered and defeated some quite painful demons as well. Ive shared this with people I work with, people I haven't seen in years and complete strangers.

I took a chance, I chased a dream of mine and I can honestly say I have never been happier or more contented. I'm writing this at midnight, everyone is asleep, I have Billy Joel on the Ipod and I'm happy. That is all down to you the reader. The buzz I get when someone likes what I have written is beyond words. I wrote that and you like it WOW. What an incredible feeling that is. You don't know what a chance I took writing my first blog. I never dreamed it would snowball like this.

This is only the beginning though for me. The more I write the better I get, the more confident I become in the subjects I cover. My wife, who is my whole world, never read any of these blogs until quite recently. I wouldn't let her. It was easier putting myself out there to you the reader rather than someone so close who I had to watch, waiting for the reaction, the potential look that said "Okay, look I love you and that but your not very good". It never came. I'm not the most confident of people no matter what you think. That's not me. I'm highly self critical, always have been.

The biggest risk I took was sending out my book. What a few days that was waiting for the responses to it. Its been tough, no doubt about it. I look back at some of my early blogs and realise I have come such a long way, improving my writing all the time, reminiscing about days gone by and not knowing what to expect. Ive had writers block, that wasn't much fun, desperate to write but having nothing to say. Ive learnt to let the ideas come naturally not to force them, to write about things that interest me. Perhaps not everyone reads them all, perhaps no one does, who knows?

I still have one major obstacle to overcome yet and that is showing my dad. He is a published author and that is the hardest part for me now. To take that chance and show him some of the blogs I have written about my childhood, about him. I'm sure he will like them but that's a bridge I need to cross sooner rather than later, I just need the courage to do so. Ill show my mum first see what she thinks, the approval of him will be more than anything I ever achieve, to make him proud of what I want to do, to make him proud of me.

Some of my favourite blogs have been the most recent ones, the ones about growing up in the late 80's early 90's. Times that have made me the person I am now. If I had to pick two I'm the most proud of though it would be Time To Think, or Dealing With My Demons. Those two were the hardest and the easiest to write for different reasons. Time To Think because that was exactly how I felt at that moment in time. I suddenly realised what was important to me and it wasn't what I thought it was, it was something completely different. Dealing With My Demons was the hardest because to move my life on I needed to get that out of my system once and for all. To bury the person I had hidden inside me and deal with my past. I'm glad I did both. Life is far better now.

So thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to read my blogs, for making comments even if it is to say you like them, for the words of encouragement and for giving me the confidence to carry on doing what I love doing. I cannot express strongly enough what you have done for me and if I can ever repay your faith in me I would gladly do so. Ive got so many ideas at the moment it scares me and excites me at the same time, a weird feeling to have. Here's to the next 50.

Thank You Anthony

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