"Altogether now, altogether now, together" ah The Farm one hit wonders whatever happened to them hey?. Okay after the summer of 1990 blogs and The Nightclub Called Millionaires its only fair that I tie it all up where it all started. Gants Hill. There was so much going on here that to do it in one blog wouldn't do it justice so its going to have to be two. This was THE place to be seen in the summer of 1990. Everyone was there. Forget your Miami's and you Gold Coast anyone that was anyone went here. It was that kind of place.
So what was so special?. Nothing really to be honest it had an Iceland, a Kebab shop, a 7-11 with Fanta Slurpee's and that was about it really. It somehow turned into the meeting place of all meeting places and some of the funniest stupidest stuff I ever did in my whole life. Where do I start? Well straight in I suppose is the best place.
There was a definite pecking order at Gants Hill. If you were somebody you stood outside Iceland, if you weren't you stood outside 7-11 and hoped you would be invited to join the crew outside Iceland. Who decided this? Go on guess. no?, okay then it was us. Yep because most of us drove you could park outside Iceland so that's where we went. There was a range of cars there and we took all the parking spaces. Sodding about and having a laugh. There are two very similar and funny stories that happened about 3 days apart. Are you sitting comfortably? Okay then I shall begin.
Jamie was standing chatting to us when suddenly he keeled over holding his stomach in absolute agony. It shocked us a bit to be honest. We weren't sure if he was sodding about but after a while it became obvious he wasn't so we chucked him in the back of a car and drove to A&E at King Georges Hospital, no not the new one the one that is now a housing estate. When we go there he could hardly walk so we carried him, a leg each an arm each and crashed through the doors shouting our mate was dying. Bedlam broke out as doctors came rushing over and took him away on a trolley. We were concerned obviously, well a little bit as most of us ended up in the car park drinking beer, when we got called back in. Jamie was in a cubicle and were told we could go and see him. He was lying on a bed and looking a little worse for wear obviously in pain. We asked how he was and he said he felt a little better. Then this nurse came in wearing a rubber glove and asked us to leave. A few of us stood outside the cubicle trying to listen in to what was being said when all of a sudden, well I'm not sure quite how to explain this but Ill try, you know when you hear a loud prolonged clap of thunder? Well we got that and then the smell, oh my god the smell, it was like a dozen decomposing bodies with rotten eggs. We realised what had happened and started to crack up, tears of laughter rolling down our faces. Jamie emerged from the cubicle very red faced and told us to do one. We couldn't help it we were in stitches, even the nurse was laughing, the idiot had got trapped wind.
A few nights later we were standing at Gants Hill again assuming the position when Wardy collapsed holding his stomach. We took the piss offering to get him a Twix and shove it up his arse as we were convinced he had the same as Jamie. After about 10 minutes we realised he wasn't joking and took him up the A&E as well. As we repeated the scenario of Jamie the previous time the doctor looked at us and smiled and said not again. We all laughed and went and sat out side the cubicle waiting for the thunder. Only this time not to be out done Marc had something very wrong. His appendix had twisted itself around his bowel and he needed an operation there and then. We were shocked a bit to be honest we though he was sodding about. Anyway he had the op and a few of us went up to visit him the next day. He had a lovely selection of grapes drinks and sweets. Well we were hungry and he kept falling asleep so we ate them. Yep the lot. What are friends for? The best bit was he got told off by his mum for being a greedy git and we had eaten it all and he hadn't a clue.
The only other redeeming feature of Gants Hill was the cinema, The Odeon Gants Hill to give it its full name. That's gone as well now, a block of flats stands in its way. This was the scene of a few crazy stunts. One night Wardy and Matty paid to go onto the cinema. They went up, bough their popcorn and then took their seats in the cinema. When the lights went out they then made their way to the fire exit and let the rest of us in. Not many about 15 or so. There was no alarm in those days so it didn't go off. We then took our seats at the back and started to hand round the Cuban cigars that one of us had bought with him for his dad's supply. We lit them up, don't worry you could smoke in the pictures in those days, and proceeded to puff away. The only problem was because there was so many of us you couldn't see a bloody thing, the whole place filled up with smoke. There we were puffing away enjoying ourselves, and I couldn't tell you what we watched because we couldn't see a thing. Happy days.
The cinema was also the first date me and the wife to be had. She arranged it and asked to see Ghost. A slight problem I had already seen it twice with other girls before this. I didn't say a word though because I quite liked her to be honest. The first time I saw her she was wearing jeans, a Miami Vice style jacket and had big permed hair. She took my breath away, she thought I was dick so nothings changed in the proceeding 20 years then. Anyway she said she was taking her mate so I asked Gary who was between girlfriends, well I say between he was having a day off so he came with us. Now he had seen it as well so we decided to hatch a cunning plan. For those of you that have seen the film you know the story right? Good because I ain't going through it here. So when the bit comes where he gets stabbed and runs off, me and Gary stood up and went "Well this is crap ain't it? He ain't even dead, I'm not having this I want my money back" and walked out. Yep we left them there. It was a risk a risk Ill agree but when we went back a few minutes later arms full of popcorn and such like they burst out laughing and we got away with it.
So that brings part 1 to a close. Part 2 will follow over the following days with:- Motorcycle Hell, The Wrong Boot, The Romance Of The Summer, and finally Ian I Think You've Broken Your Back Axle.
Hope you enjoyed that as much as I enjoyed writing it. Take care until the next time.