Thursday, 16 September 2010
Watching My Son Grow Up.
Today was a really emotional day for me. My eldest son started school today. Does that sound weird coming from a dad?. I know my mates would laugh at me for this but it really got to me, far more than I expected it to be honest. I was watching my little boy, my son, start a journey in his life that will change him and I'm not sure I like it too much.
He got dressed good as gold and we did the normal photo's that we have done with the girls when they went to school. I carried him on my shoulders, like I normally do just me and him walking and laughing in the sunshine. We arrived and were sent to the library where other parents were waiting, my wife, Michael, Reece my youngest boy and me.
We sat there talking about how he would react when we had to leave him, we didn't know whether he would cry or not, I joked whether my wife would cry again as she did with the girls. I never expected it to be me!. His name was called and we followed the teacher to the classroom, other children were there already playing and using the computers.
He gripped the door, half joking with that cheeky grin of his and looking at me not sure of what to expect. My wife led him in and I held Reece's hand just a little tighter than normal, I watched as he walked in and sat on the floor and started to play with the cars, he seemed happy, and then it hit me. I didn't see it coming to be honest. I got a huge lump in my throat, the size of a football and I could feel my eyes start to prick with tears. Oh no Ive got to get out of here and quick. I turned and walked Reece out into the playground hoping no one had seen me. Reece looked at me and asked if I was okay as a tear fell from my eye.
I quickly wiped it away and smiled yes, but he knew something was wrong he just didn't know what. I couldn't help it, it really got to me. My son, my Mikel was starting school and he didn't need me there at that moment, not anymore. He was learning to be independent, to be his own person, he was starting his journey into a young boy. God it really hurt.
I get emotional at the stupidest things, a sad film, a reunion with family, blimey Ive even wiped away a tear at the X-factor before now. This was so different though. It was a mixture of pride and the realisation that you cannot stop time. You cannot stop the years going by. It happens to everyone eventually, you'll realise one day that your nearly 40 when you feel 18. Life is cruel isn't it?
Cherish the years you have with your children I guess is what I'm trying to say. Its goes so quickly. One moment your changing nappies, the next they are at school, then they leave home and they are gone. Michael has started a new chapter in his short young life, one which allow him to learn and challenge things as he goes through school, to learn amazing things, to perhaps make a decision one day about what he wants to do with his life. Ill be there every step of the way for him. Like I have for all my kids. Like my parents were for me. Its what being a parent is all about, and as much as Ive got teary writing this, as much as I got choked up today, its the best job in the world and I wouldn't change it for anything.