Monday, 14 February 2011

Our Home

Do you remember when we bougt this place? We decided we wanted a family and the flat we was in was too small. We had looked everywhere for our family home, the place where we decided we wanted to bring our kids up. Then we saw it, just around the corner from where we had the flat. A funny shaped house it was sideways on, the door way down the side of the house when all the others had the doors at the front. You loved it from the first time you saw it, me I wasn't so sure but you had set your heart on it so I agreed.

We moved in when you were pregnant,  you were just a few months gone. We celebrated with champagne, all the family here, hoping and thinking this was going to be our first child, we were so happy then, but it just wasn't  meant to be, not this time not yet, the doctors couldn't explain it but the baby wasn't there. You had to go into hospital for a minor operation, the new house all our hopes and dreams, it felt like they had been taken away from us when we were at our happiest. As we left that ward I promised you we would be back one day with a child of our own, you smiled but I knew you were hiding the hurt you felt. You still do now, keep things bottled up inside, I can count on my hand the amount of times I have seen you cry.

We threw ourselves into the work that needed doing in the home, rewiring, re-pluming, the whole house was redecorated. You hid the pain so well. I remember the night that I finally cried, I was making the table and chairs and I couldn't get the screw to go in the leg, I threw it down and walked upstairs. You came up to see me, as you always did and we cuddled and cried together for the loss that we shared. Finally letting go of the hurt and the past we moved on with our lives. It wasnt easy at first, but we did it didnt we. I came home from work one day, you told me to sit down and handed me the test, it was blue, you were pregnant. I cried once again but this time with joy. We didn't tell anyone this time, it was our little secret, until the scan and I held your hand as we both saw the baby for the first time. The smallest thing int he world I had ever seen, but also the happiest moment of our lives.

She was beautiful, just like her mum when she was born, I was the proudest man alive. The family up the hospital, all trying to get a few precious seconds before they sent us all home to let you rest. She came home a week later and the house was full of flowers. The child we had both longed for was finaly here. I used to fall asleep holding her on the settee and you would tell me off for spoiling her but we were so happy. We decorated the spare room and made it a home for her. A little girl, our world was complete. We lived our lives for her, she made us so proud, her first steps, her first words, her uncle calling her chicken legs because they were so skinny, my Dad giving her chocolate fingers then falling about laughing at the mess she got in. She bought a new joy to our lives, to all of our lives. We planned for another, three years apart, money was tight but we didnt care, this house was our family home and we wanted to fill it with as much fun and laughter as we could. I remember it clearly, sitting down watching Johnny and Kate stumbling around the garden drunk on Big Brother, when once again you handed me a test. It was blue again and our second daughter was on her way.

As they got older I used to read stories to them, the baby sitting in the cot watching me until she fell asleep, her sister holding my hand next to me in her bed. It was the best feeling in the world. We decided to build the extension on the back, a new kitchen for us and a playroom for them. They loved it when it was complete a place they could go and play and have all their toys. Although the toys crept into the front room when we weren't looking but we never complained. Three years passed and you spoke of wanting another, I prayed for a boy and he was born all blond hair and blue eyes, the bond I felt with him was different to the the girls, I loved them all the same but a son is a special bond with a father. As it is with a mother and daughter. I was so prud of him, I used to show everyone his bits and tell them he got that from me, he did have a whopper, yo told them it was all lies but I didnt care he was ours and I was so, so proud of him.

You spoke of wanting one more, you didnt want an odd number, you said you didnt want a middle child. We went to the doctors, not sure they would advise it, but to our suprise they said we could try for one more and we did, the final piece of the puzzle fell into place 18 months later with the birth of another boy. The beds were removed and bunk beds replaced them. All in the same room, they never complained. The girls on the top bunks, the boys underneath. It is a great big adventure for them all and they love it. The eldest is growing up now, she is eleven this year, big school awaits her, more freedom, I am not sure I am so keen on watching her grew, its just something I will just have to get used to I suppose. The youngest is just three, and ruling the roost, getting his sisters to get things for him. The beautiful children that we bought into this world and our loving home. The place where they grew up, the place they called home.

As I close the door for the final time, I will cherish these memories of the time we had here, the fun the laughter, the tears. Its too small now for all of us and off we go to build new memories in our new home. The girls in one room, the boys in another. Ill never forget this house. This is the place we loving called home.

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