Sunday, 3 April 2011

An Open Letter To My Mum

Well its that time of year again ma, not its not my birthday or yours (it isn't is it? Just thought Id check) good then it must be Mothers Day. Looking back through my blogs over what has been nearly a years worth now of ranting, reminiscing, writing short stories and open letters, I realised one thing. I have written open letters to Laura, Sarah, Paul and Dad but I haven't ever written anything for you. I'm sorry, I guess I was waiting for the right time to do it but never found it, so to put that right today on Mothers Day this is for you, I hope you like it. Oh and make sure you have some tissues ready wont you? Haven't got any? Okay Ill wait why you go and get them..........yes over there by the telly as them?..........Okay then I shall begin.

My earliest memory of you is you picking me up from Nursery one afternoon. Do you remember it? It was the church hall opposite where your friend used to live. It had white painted walls and a gravel driveway and was part of a church. Down the side of it was the chapel and I used too stand there looking through the glass, wondering what went on in there.

I remember one occasion standing at the back of the hall, the easel next to me with its clean white crisp paper untouched, covered in paint and the woman explaining to you that I had got bored with painting the paper and decided too paint myself. You didn't get angry you just took me home too clean me up, made me a sandwich put on Trumpton and never said a word. That was and still is how you are, you know when to say something and when not too, but you also look a little awkward if what you are about too say is difficult for that person too hear, something I do just like you.

I never remember you getting angry with me that often as a child, even when I managed to get my finger caught in the lock on the freezer in the butchers when you and him had told me not too touch it I still did, screaming with pain and shock at the realisation that my finger was wedged tight. Do you remember my first day at school? Sitting in Mr Ken Aston's office at Newbury Park? You know the bloke who invented the Red and Yellow card for football? No that's right you didn't recognise him did you, and when he asked me what my favourite sport was you told him horse racing and I loved Red Rum. Mum I was 5 and he must have thought I was the youngest gambler he had ever met. That still makes me laugh even now.

I have great memories of growing up us a child and that's all down to you and Dad, but this one isn't about Dad its about you and me. I'm like you in so many ways, I have blond hair and blue eyes like you, where as Nicky has brown hair and brown eyes like Dad. I'm sensitive like you, I take things far too personally but I'm also stronger than you think I am, even though I don't always show it in the right way. I get that from you as well, that inner belief that what I'm doing is right even when others don't agree or see it.

I wasn't the easiest teenager growing up, I know that and I'm sorry for all the pain and hurt I caused even if I'm only saying it now. You are still the person I talk too first if I have an issue or a problem and you always give me the right advice even if its not what I want too hear at the time. I watch you with my kids and see the joy that they get from being around you, the sweets you fill them up with, the secret shopping trips for the girls and  I'm proud to call you my Mum.

I tease you about the cards that you buy and the sentimental writing that is inside them, checking too see if there are any tears from you as you have written your message. You've said a few times you have cried in the shop when you have bought them but I wouldn't have it any other way. I know when you read this you will cry, as you always do when people say nice things about and to you.

Mum I love you, I always will, you are a special person not only to me but the friends and family you surround yourself with. I hope Ive made you proud of the father I have become, a little bit of Dad but mostly you, so take your time reading this, shed a little tear as I know you will and remember all that I am and what I have become is because I had the best Dad and more importantly the best Mum anyone was ever lucky enough too have. I haven't turned out too bad have I? Enjoy your day Mum I cant think of anyone who deserves it more.

Love Your Son


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