Its been a while since I last posted, mainly for the reason I had nothing to say and I'm not sure even now I do. I love writing I really do, I have people who have been kind enough to follow and read my inane thoughts, my rants and stories and I thank you all for that.
Ive always struggled to find an identity for my blog, I read quite a lot of blogs and they all seem to have a formula that they stick too and follow rigidly. Ive never been like that which is why I suppose Ive struggled for an audience greater than I have. I'm not bothered by not having thousands of followers that fact that people read my posts and comment makes me smile every time I get the email notification to say someone has.
I have toyed with all different formats for this blog trying to find out what I enjoy writing about the most, Ive written for numerous football sites as well and Ive enjoyed it immensely. These past two years have been the most productive and creative Ive ever been. I have started writing for a group of newspapers about my first love with is Dagenham and Redbridge on a national website. Having a deadline to meet, a word count to hit and then seeing my writing changed and improved has really spurred me on, its given me a lot of confidence I didn't have before.
Its strange seeing my name in print on a professional website, I guess I'm a published writer after all now, but as much as I enjoy that writing it isn't the kind of writing that I want to spend the rest of my life doing. I have a very wild and vivid imagination, I always have ever since I was a kid. I was always happiest playing games by myself, climbing trees and pretending to be from another world or planet. This is now the kind of writing that I want to do.
Its taken me two years too get here, three half finished books that I don't think I will ever finish but now I know I want to write fiction. I want to be published traditionally, to see, feel and hold a piece of my writing in print, its what Ive always dreamed off. To do that I need to start believing I can actually do it, that I can send of my work and be prepared for it to be slaughtered and then start again and do it again and again. I didn't have the confidence to do that before now, I don't know whats changed but Ive decided that it is now time. I cant explain it but I just know Im ready for it now, a gut instinct if you like.
For every piece of fiction that I write that doesn't get published I shall post it on here, this blog, a virtual diary of my failures. I expect it will be flooded with work at first but eventually I hope it will get less and less and then I can finally say, I did it, me, the kid bullied at school and tormented by it for decades has finally made something of himself and achieved the one thing I always wanted to do, to write and have people read my work.
I hope I get there.