Sunday, 12 September 2010

The Final One - The Stag Weekend

"Guys there's a tiger in the bathroom" I love that film its one of the best comedies ever. The Hangover is about a Stag do that goes horrifically wrong. Mine wasn't quite as bad but it came close.
Okay Ive reminisced quite a lot lately so I'm going to round it off with a blog about my Stag Weekend. The same crazy nutters Id grown up with and they make up the highlights of this blog. It was decided to do it over the weekend no idea who thought of this but it seemed like a good idea at the time if I'm honest. I didn't want all the stripper lark, not interested to be fair so it was agreed we would do a pub crawl around Ilford then head off to the West End on the Saturday.

It started of quietly, a few pubs a few drinks, then it started to go a bit wrong. I got absolutely bladdered so I'm relying on what happened next from other peoples memories and the wife to be plus the sister. Apparently I disappeared in one of the last pubs we went in. I was found after about an hour, yeah thanks guys you were that worried about me, sitting in the bog sweating and with my trousers round my ankles!. I have no idea how, why or what happened. I was truly mashed so cant remember a thing. Anyway I was duly re-dressed and carried outside of the club. This I also have no recollection of but here goes.

Apparently I was placed against a car where, well you know in those cartoons they slide down things really slowly? Yep I did but into the middle of the road. At this point my future brother-in-law Ian ( yes they was back on again) decided to call my wife to be and ask her if he could come and get the car and drive us home. He was more pissed than I was but better at hiding it. She said no so apparently we got a cab. Nope don't remember a thing. Anyway we got home and I was put to bed where the fun continued. My other brother-in-law Paul said he was going home, nope didn't want a cab and walked out the back door and then fell over and asleep in the garden where he was left. Ian was then having a ciggie in the front room with Nicky and Sarah when he lent forward and well I cant believe he did this, I did laugh when I found out but that didn't help, Sarah all concerned said to Ian "Do you want the ashtray" Ian nods, Sarah leans forward to give it to him and throws up all over her. Priceless, a quiet night in then we turn up.

The next night we met at the George in Gants Hill, yep theres that place again, there was me, Gary, Ian, Paul, Terry ( the father-in-law), Mark, Gary L and a few others. We had a few beers well hair of the dogs and headed up West. We had decided to get something to eat in a place called Break For The Border it ain't there now another victim of the recession unfortunately. We started of with a few buckets of beer and some shots and were slowly getting tanked again.

There was a Hen party in this place with a few ropey women which some of the guys beer goggles kicked in for and of they went. Me and Ian were standing by the dance floor when a fight started, Now this place had one bouncer that was it. It was a crap fight between two blokes, all slaps and handbags when another bloke started. It was then getting out of hand so me and Ian decided to break it up. We were big enough and could handle ourselves so decided to sort it. Id like to say we did but all hell then broke loose. This place was done out like a cowboy bar and it then looked like one of those cowboy films were you have a mass brawl.

The other numptys hadn't seen us try and stop it they thought we started it so joined in. I watched as my Father-In-Law was telling the bouncer to leave it as we would sort it. It was so surreal. I grabbed a bloke and went to hit him then realised it was my brother-in-law, one of our mates who fancied himself a bit ran in and ended up on the floor a quick kick to the nuts sorting that out. We managed to calm it all down and the hen party started to cheer. Gary L thought they were cheering for him as he was copping off with one of the old birds and raised his hands to take the applause, not realising that the whole place had been in chaos, so there he was expecting us all to congratulate him when all we did was laugh at him.

The owner came over and thanked us and said the bill and beer was free for the rest of the night. So we then carried on getting bladdered, along with the blokes we had just been fighting with. Well no hard feeling there then. We then got the night bus home as wed missed the train and went up to the top deck. Terry had heard a song on KISS FM he liked but couldn't remember it so he started singing about my pony, he ain't got the best of voices anyway but this was bad, Ian then sat opposite him nodding his head saying "Ive heard this Tel " and continued repeating the words all over again. This went on all the way home, much to the amusement of everyone else.

It was in the end the final chapter of my time with the Gants Hill Mob. I was the first to marry so I left it all behind. A few of them stayed single for a few more years but it we never kept in touch like we did. We had different priorities. It was like having one last hurrah before we all finally accepted we had to grow up and move on with our lives. But what a way to end it all. Great memories from great friends. I wouldn't change it for anything and I suppose for a lot of it you had to be there.

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