I find myself getting older and looking for something but Im not quite sure what it is. I feel like Im in need of some faith, something that would guide me through more difficult times, perhaps something to believe in, to have absolute faith in the fact that this will be what makes me more comfortable with who I am. To believe that I can be a better person, for my family, my friends and for my own benefit.
Religion has crossed my mind a few times. That sense of belonging to something, the fact that you are able to rely on others for support, the sense of community it gives people. I wonder if thats what Im looking for? I've looked at Christianity a few times but it always comes back to the same things for me, you dont treat everyone the same, homosexuals are not recognized, and if there is a God then why does he allow bad people to do bad things?
Perhaps Im simplifying it a little. All religions have their faults but they give people so much courage and hope, and I wonder if Im missing out on that? Am I denying myself the chance to feel better about myself I suppose?. Im not slipping back to the black dog by the way, I guess as I get older and I start to question my own morality Im looking for something to help me cope better with lifes challenges.
I have a wonderful family, Im happier than I've ever been but I feel sometimes I need something else. Perhaps what Im after is someone to tell me its all going to be okay. Im a huge country fan and I see how it brings people together and how huge the church is to them. not only in their music but to their fans and way of life as well. It gets mentioned in numerous songs, and it gives them a sense of peace that I feel Im missing.
I just struggle with the intolerance of others and their lifestyle choices that all religions are so against. You dont chose to be who you are, you born that way, so why cant religion accept that? Why cant it be modernized a little to envelope all of us? Why cant we use science alongside faith a little more? Surely if all religion promotes peace and hatred then why are there so many wars?
At the age I am Im after some answers, Im ready to accept religion as part of my life and the love and support it will give me, but I cant and wont go against what I believe in as well. So here I am stuck in the middle as it were. I bet there are others like me as well. So how do resolve it? How do we become more peaceful as a society if we are told to forget everything that we believe in not to be true?
I dont have the answer to that question, Im going to throw this one out there and hopefully have a reasoned debate with people from both sides. So how do you convince me to put my beliefs in science alongside religion and hopefully allow me to join in what I see as an experience perhaps Im missing out on.